In pursuit of life, love and my authentic self.

It has now been eight months since I started my journey to improve my health through Naturopathy under the guidance of my Naturopathic Doctor Kim L. Corbett.  I have learned so much.  I wanted to take this opportunity to report that all of my tests are now normal.   My iron (ferritin), vitamin D and cholesterol are in the normal range and my other medical tests are also good.   The fasting sugar in my blood is somewhat reduced and with the aid of chromium I am digesting carbohydrates normally.  I’ve lost 15 lbs but still have 4 to go….  I no longer require allergy medication and have not taken gravol to sleep since last September.

Recently I had a problem with my nails with white deposits and severe breakage.   Kim diagnosed a zinc deficiency and now they are perfect.  It took less than two weeks to improve. The health of the nails is an important indicator of overall health.  I know it sounds silly but I’ve always had beautiful nails and they were so bad I had to glue the ends of them to reduce the breakage.

I honestly don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t taken this journey.  I was so fatigued and sickly after my pneumonia; it was all I could do to continue doing my job and attend to my day to day activities.  It is hard to find joy when you are so tired all the time.

This weekend I played three sets of singles tennis with my friend and last year I couldn’t play more than one.  That’s pretty good for a 55 year old grandmother!

It is unfortunate that traditional Western medicine and alternative therapies are not working together as they are in Europe.  Certainly if I need surgery I won’t be expecting my Naturopath to cure me but I will seek her support to feel better and strengthen my immunity.  For now it will be up to us who have primary responsibility for our health to seek out the best choices.

I will suggest however, the following which is just my opinion based on my own experience.

1)      Seek out a licensed Naturopathic Doctor because they have more education and training.

2)      Eat less carbohydrates and sugar that have no nutritional value (white anything)

3)      Take a good probiotic that is purchased at a health food store (not a yogurt) anytime you have to take antibiotics, it will help put your immune system back on track.

4)      Take a good multivitamin daily

5)      If you’re not feeling well, have your blood tested especially for iron stores (ferritin) and    vitamin D.

6)      Take 2000 mg of vitamin D all year if you are in the Northern hemisphere.

7)      A quality Omega 3 supplement will reduce inflammation and is essential to good health.

8)      Avoid all artificial sweeteners.  Use Stevia instead.

9)      Exercise even if it’s walking 20 minutes a day, it’s vital for the body and stress management.

10)   For stress and appetite control I use Relora and several of my friends and family also do.

11)   I control my allergies without medication through the use of 1000-1500 mg of vitamin C and using a Neti-pot to perform a saline cleanse of the sinuses daily.

Well that’s it folks, good luck to you all who are trying to improve your health or recover it.  I hope that my sharing my journey has provided you with some suggestions.

Remember “if it is to be, it’s up to me”

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I apologize for the delay in writing my blog, I had so many ideas I had trouble lighting on one in particular.  My conversation today with my only high school buddy broke my silence.  After smoking heavily for the last 40 years and numerous attempts to quit she is working with her doctor and is following a medically supervised treatment option.

She started smoking at the same time as me at the tender age of 13 in grade 8; our first year in High School.   Apparently I am the one who put the first cigarette in her hand according to her parents.  They really didn’t appreciate my involvement in corrupting their daughter although we always had a warm relationship and they were terrific people who helped me during my early adolescent years.

When I quit when I got engaged at 17 (yeah yeah I know) she kept on smoking.  As time went on the no smoking train built up speed to a point where smokers are treated as outcasts.  They are relegated to the outside in the cold, they smell terrible and over the long term smoking takes a terrible toll on their skin and teeth.  That’s not to mention what it’s doing to their insides…

So when my Sister was dying of cancer (irony), guess who picked up the cigarettes again at 37?  Yes that would be me and I can tell you honestly that it helped me get through that terrible time and my divorce that ensued the following year.  I stopped again at 41.  I am currently smoke free.

My sons were very worried about my smoking especially after losing their beloved Aunt to cancer and begged me to stop but for those who have been addicted to anything, you can’t stop for other people regardless of how much you love them or how guilty you feel.  Here’s the kicker, two of my children who did not smoke as teenagers picked it up in their twenties and only recently my son has stopped (Thank God). I guess I shouldn’t complain, I forced my Mother to quit and then I started….

Smoking is an insidious habit.  I read recently that it is a remitting, relapsing addiction.  You can be going along great but when the cravings come even months later, they are just as strong.  It is normal that under stress we frequently return to bad habits whether they are drinking, smoking or whatnot. For me stopping was not that difficult but I have seen several of my close friends and families suffer tremendously the ups and downs of stopping smoking.  The feeling of failure can be very upsetting.

I watched a documentary on smoking that changed everything for me.  After I stopped at 41, I could have an occasional cigarette at a party and it wouldn’t make me want more.  The documentary identified that if you have been a smoker before and stop; that having occasional cigarettes is as dangerous to your health as continuing smoking.   I haven’t had a cigarette since that night nine years ago.  For those who only ever have occasional cigarettes the same does NOT hold true but why put yourself at risk to become addicted.

The truth is I like smoking and if it weren’t bad for me I would still be smoking but since it is I’ll continue to forgo the pleasure.

Please show compassion and be supportive to people who are trying to quit because addiction is not created equal and just because you either never smoked or were able to quit easily doesn’t mean the next person has the same experience.  Good luck Karen, you can do it and BTW Happy Birthday.

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OMG what a concept!  As we age we know logically that we are moving in the wrong direction on the longevity scale - but one week!  I got this idea from Dr. Ben Kim’s blog where participants weighed in on what they would do if they knew they were going to die peacefully in one week.  Of course, this is all supposition because none of us know what we would do if it really happened but it provides the opportunity to reflect and focus more on the most important elements of our lives that get ignored with the day to day rush of deadlines and “priorities”.

Here is what I think I would do (after getting a second and third opinion).

1)      Meet with each of my immediate family members starting with my husband to tell them how much I love them and what I want them to remember when I can no longer speak to them daily.

2)      Meet with my best friends and do the same.

3)      Meet with my Notary and Financial Advisor to make sure everything is in order to avoid any delays for my family after I’m gone.

4)      Update my gift list I keep for my jewelry giveaways.

5)      Prepare my funeral.  I still don’t know where I will be buried.

6)      Make videos for my husband, children, grandchildren and friends they can play back when they need to see my face and hear my voice.

7)      Eat all my favorite food; turkey dinner, bridge mixtures, Scottish toffee and lasagna (I’m sure I’ll think of more).

8)      Go to my favorite restaurant Prince du Fondue

9)      Gather all my family and friends for a huge party.

10)   Write my goodbye blog

11)   Go to Church and thank God for a wonderful life.

I just finished this and there isn’t a single thing about work.   Curious…..

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I have been blessed to have not one but two terrific Mother-in-Laws and now I am a Mother-in-Law myself.  The first one was Simone Dubois Lajoie.  She was born in 1909 and was a very sickly baby.  She was so weak the priest gave her last rites because they were sure she wouldn’t survive; but she did and lived to a grand old age ninety-four.  When I met her I was 16 and she had one good navy blue dress to go to church on Sundays.  She was an incredibly selfless person who despite the fact that she had numerous ailments would do anything to have fun and bring pleasure to others.  I was a very young bride at eighteen and she taught me to cook and to sew.  She was an amazing Grandmaman to my three sons.  She is without a doubt the nicest person I have ever met and will love her and miss every day of my life.

My current Mother-in-Law is Ethel Rochon Delisle.  She is a force to be reckoned with.   She was born 13 years after her sister, her mother; Theresa delivered her in 1939 while in her forties.  This was all during WWII and Theresa’s eldest son Louis was already fighting the war overseas.  Ethel was a ray of sunshine for the whole family and was frankly spoiled rotten.  She grew up to be a beautifully tall young woman who married her Prince Charming in the form of her Mountie husband Rene Delisle.  She followed him throughout various postings and ended up in Ottawa as Superintendent in charge of security for the Prime Minister of Canada.  This allowed Ethel access to embassy parties and events where she could show off her fashion sense and sense of style.  Theirs was a love story cut short when he died of cancer at age 62.   Ethel loves her two sons Marc and Louis fiercely and is terribly proud of them both.  I think I can say she loves me too and although we are very different people, we accept each other for the goodness we both bring to the relationship.  She always makes an effort to please me and make my life easier.  She makes me soup because she knows I love good soup and brings me homemade wine because I do enjoy my glass of red wine.  The best part of our relationship for me is that she loves me for who I am.  That’s everything to me.

I am a Mother-in-Law to Amy and Adriana.  I’m told I also take a lot of space but I think that’s an exaggeration ;p  I think because I’ve had such good Mother-in-Law experiences it makes it easier for me to be there for them without trying to control the outcome.  If I do see they might stumble on something they don’t need to, I will point it out after which they can then do as they please.  I do the same with my boys.  In the past it was normal to learn from your elders but this seems to have gone by the wayside and that is unfortunate.  At times it is difficult to keep my own counsel but at the end of the day they have to live with their decisions.  I’m always available to give them my viewpoint if they ask for it and I’m happy to say they do ask me often.

The only advice I will give you is to remember that your children have chosen this person to share their lives and they owe they first allegiance to them.  Never try to get between them because you will end up hurting them and yourself.  If the person isn’t right for them, they have to come to that realization themselves and if that does happen your child will appreciate that you let them make their own decisions without interference from you.  You’ll be there to help pick up the pieces.

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This is dedicated to all the parents of grown children who lie awake at night worrying about them. My quest for happiness has brought me to perhaps my biggest hurdle. How to stop worrying!  I worry incessantly about my family and friend’s health and happiness, mostly their health and what would happen to me if I lost one of them.  It’s fair to say given my history that it is normal for me to suffer a certain level of anxiety regarding the people in my life who remain.  A funny thing happened when a new friend learned of my track record of people close to me dying and half-jokingly said perhaps it would be better if we weren’t friends.  Of course this didn’t come to be because I am so adorable…..

During my odyssey with my poor health last year; I was faced with the reality that although I thought I was doing okay with my stress, my body was sending a clear message that I was out to lunch on that one.  Even when I went to the psychic, my Sister told her that I need to learn how to relax and enjoy life.  Well well isn’t that easy! Not!

It’s interesting I don’t worry about my job, money, being hit by a bus, or the universe imploding.  I’ve often said that if I lost one of my children I wouldn’t want to live anymore.  I’m sure that makes my husband feel all warm and fuzzy.  I’m having to re-think that position.  First of all you don’t know what you would do about anything until it happens to you.  I’ve heard people say if they went blind or were diagnosed with cancer they would kill themselves but trust me, you may imagine what you would do but it won’t compare to what you will feel and do if it becomes a reality.

What has pushed me over the edge so to speak to take this issue seriously is my son Marc.  He is currently living temporarily in a monastery in China.  This is the second time he has made this trip and I don’t hear from him for weeks and on occasion months at a time. I haven’t seen him since he left for China in November 2009.  I am usually fine for the first couple of weeks after which; as the time gets longer between phone calls, I find it increasingly difficult. Although I push the thoughts away from my consciousness, my sub-conscious has a field day imagining him being sick, injured or arrested while sitting in a foreign jail praying that I will rescue him.  It doesn’t help that he has fragile health which just adds the cherry on the sundae.

I had not heard from him since Christmas day except once when my oldest son got an MSN message.  At least I knew he was alive in January.  I finally had to take myself in hand and start to accept that what will be will be and that should any of the misfortunes I imagined befall him, he is responsible.  Now that he is a grown man he will have to bear the consequences of not keeping us informed of his status and whereabouts.   His quest for fulfillment and direction was robbing me of mine and it’s my own fault.   It’s another example of giving up control I didn’t have to begin with.  What I’ve learned has set me free in a way and for that I must thank my son.  It has forced me to re-frame my view of my world and my place in it.

To my adored son Marc, I love you will all my heart and soul forever and forever and I will always be here for you however; I need to live my life to its full potential for time is short and despite my efforts to remain youthful I’m not getting any younger.

This is my story and hopefully for all you parents out there worrying about your children;  you can take comfort that you are not alone, perhaps my efforts to change will provide you something to think about regarding your own life.  Please remember worrying helps no one, it never cured a sickness or resolved a conflict.

P.S. Marc gave me permission to write about him in the blog.

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Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” - Eckhart Tolle

Space No.1. When my Mum died I was in the throes of the teenage selfish years.  This was a pivotal moment in my life.  I’ve said I went from being a child to an adult in an instant.  Living with an alcoholic parent wasn’t exactly a day at the beach.  So this is what I lost but what I gained was an understanding that money would not make me happy because my Dad had money but not my Mother.  I learned parents can die.  These are important life lessons.  I’ve helped several of my friends reconnect with their parents before it’s too late.

Space No.2. Young healthy people do get sick and die.  This was my hardest lesson.  When my only Sister got sick at 37 and died three years later.  Here’s what I learned.  Even really sick people can enjoy life.  I also learned that you can’t do everything yourself, its okay to ask for help.  You don’t always have to be the helper, you can be the helpee.  It’s okay to cry.  Before this happened, I hadn’t cried for over 5 years.  I am also a much more patient person and less judgmental of how others live their lives.

Space No. 3. A nice person can have an affair given the right set of circumstances. It doesn’t make it right or excuse it.  Never say never; I’ve had to eat these words so often I’ve lost count.

Space No. 4. There are lots of people out there to be friends with.  If people don’t share the work to remain friends, go find other ones.  This was hard for me because I’m not a quitter and I would just try harder but now I have this philosophy and it’s really working for me.

I wouldn’t have learned these lessons if I hadn’t passed through tough times.  I wouldn’t be the same person I am today.  Space was created by these negative events.  All these events were negative but they made me the person I am today.  These spaces were filled with growth, perspective, and deepening of character.  Many of my views have softened and others have solidified.  When you have finished growing you are ready to die and hopefully I’ve got some more time to learn and grow.

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1.       The stone………….after it’s thrown.  Throughout the history of man there has been war.  Most participants believe in what they are fighting for, and some are just doing what they’re told or trying to survive.  We are a warring people.  Why can’t we just live and let live.  You have your religion and I’ll have mine, ok?

2.       The word………….after it’s said.  I don’t think there is anyone out there at some time wouldn’t like the chance to take something they’ve said in anger back.  It is so easy to lose control and allow our fear, anger or hurt come out in cruel words.  You may forgive but trust me you won’t forget.  When I’m really mad, I wait a day or two and if I still feel the same, then I say but I really don’t remember a time I have.  Perspective it’s a wonderful thing.

3.       The occasion………..after it’s missed.  It’s hard at times to know when it’s the right opportunity.   Sometimes we only recognize after we missed the boat.  To help you know when the time is right listen to your tummy.  Your mind can confuse you but your gut always tells the truth.

4.       The time…………..after it’s gone.  We waste so much of our time worrying about nonsense, or things we cannot change or people who aren’t important to us.  Why is it we focus our minds on the wrong things.  Life is so short.  In my mind I’m still 18 even though I’m pretty sure everyone else knows I’m not.

5.       A person………….after they die. This is one I am intimately familiar with.  Tell everyone you love that you do often because you never know if one day they don’t come home again.  But although you can’t get them back after they die; their love for you and your love for them never dies.

Have a great week, do better, and strive for a more authentic life.  Be yourself, your best self.

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Honestly I don’t have a bucket list or a list of things to do before I kick the bucket.  You would be disappointed to know how ordinary things please me.  Maybe that’s why I’m such a happy person.  I’m happy with what I have rather than wanting things I don’t have.  Sounds rather dull as I write it but it’s also true.

If I did have a bucket list, I can assure you that going to big time Bingo would not be on it.  Nevertheless it’s frightening the lengths I will go to please someone I love.  My dear friend Maryse’ birthday wish was to go to play bingo in one of these big halls.

Knowing that I am a student or voyeur if you prefer of human behavior, I recognized this might be an opportunity to see first-hand the phenomenon of bingo night in Lachine. There are at least 10 large bingo halls in the Montreal area.   This is besides the fact that I really am too cool to be caught dead in a Bingo hall.  Being a person who likes to know what’s she’s getting into, I did my research via another friend who’s family are big bingo people.  She let me know that we had to arrive early to scope out our table, get the cards and settle in for a 7:00 start.  Basic bingo costs $9 but you are offered a myriad of extras.  You can even rent a screen.  She also told me you need to get ready because as a neophyte it would be stressful.  There is definitely no time to lose, the numbers are called quickly.  If you stop to chat you will miss numbers.

We had a fun group of 8 friends who went to dinner followed by our bingo night experience.  I made a number of observations.  Nine out of 10 players were middle to old age women.  There were many people there alone.  Everyone except us didn’t look like they were having any fun at all.  Once the last bingo is called, the hall clears as if someone had yelled FIRE.  I’m told this is also a security maneuver to ensure the winners don’t get robbed on the way to their cars because the prizes are paid out in cash.

We didn’t win any money; Richard came the closest with only one open square B7!  But alas it was not to be.  I did have fun, we laughed our faces off and it reminded me of playing bingo with my sons when they were little.  I would go back again with friends but definitely no screen.

Next year she wants to go to LaRonde.  I’ve got a year to get ready…….

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Last year I started to learn Tai Chi.  It was part of my program to improve my health and reduce my stress.  It was something new and I was able to convince my husband who is exercise resistant to join me.  I have never done any type of martial art activity and I was very surprised by the classes.  Everyone kept asking me if I liked Tai Chi.  I told them it was “different” and difficult because it is slow and precise.  Small movements and nuances are important.  I’m accustomed to fast and active. It did teach me patience and occupy my mind fully for two hours once a week.  It was uncomfortable and perhaps that is the best benefit.  Fortunately I met a former colleague in the class who encouraged me to continue otherwise I likely would have quit - I’m glad I didn’t.

We tend to like things we are good at and that is normal.  I have talent when it comes to racket sports so whether it’s badminton, tennis or racquetball - I’m going to be good at it.   Then there are things I’m very bad at including skating, skiing and gymnastics because I am not flexible nor do I have good balance.  Tai Chi improves balance and that’s a good thing.

My point here is you can keep doing the things you know you’re good at and live exclusively in your comfort zone or you can try something new.  Take a course or find a way to challenge an area of your life you find scary.  If you’re shy practice saying hi to people, make eye contact and smile.  See the reaction, you’ll be amazed!  If you need help to work on an area of your life discuss it with a trusted friend.  Make 2011 a year of personal growth.  It is likely your personal growth with have a positive impact on your professional life.  Take comfort in your discomfort.  Good luck and be sure to let me know how you’re progressing and I’ll do the same.

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