I apologize for the delay in writing my blog, I had so many ideas I had trouble lighting on one in particular. My conversation today with my only high school buddy broke my silence. After smoking heavily for the last 40 years and numerous attempts to quit she is working with her doctor and is following a medically supervised treatment option.
She started smoking at the same time as me at the tender age of 13 in grade 8; our first year in High School. Apparently I am the one who put the first cigarette in her hand according to her parents. They really didn’t appreciate my involvement in corrupting their daughter although we always had a warm relationship and they were terrific people who helped me during my early adolescent years.
When I quit when I got engaged at 17 (yeah yeah I know) she kept on smoking. As time went on the no smoking train built up speed to a point where smokers are treated as outcasts. They are relegated to the outside in the cold, they smell terrible and over the long term smoking takes a terrible toll on their skin and teeth. That’s not to mention what it’s doing to their insides…
So when my Sister was dying of cancer (irony), guess who picked up the cigarettes again at 37? Yes that would be me and I can tell you honestly that it helped me get through that terrible time and my divorce that ensued the following year. I stopped again at 41. I am currently smoke free.
My sons were very worried about my smoking especially after losing their beloved Aunt to cancer and begged me to stop but for those who have been addicted to anything, you can’t stop for other people regardless of how much you love them or how guilty you feel. Here’s the kicker, two of my children who did not smoke as teenagers picked it up in their twenties and only recently my son has stopped (Thank God). I guess I shouldn’t complain, I forced my Mother to quit and then I started….
Smoking is an insidious habit. I read recently that it is a remitting, relapsing addiction. You can be going along great but when the cravings come even months later, they are just as strong. It is normal that under stress we frequently return to bad habits whether they are drinking, smoking or whatnot. For me stopping was not that difficult but I have seen several of my close friends and families suffer tremendously the ups and downs of stopping smoking. The feeling of failure can be very upsetting.
I watched a documentary on smoking that changed everything for me. After I stopped at 41, I could have an occasional cigarette at a party and it wouldn’t make me want more. The documentary identified that if you have been a smoker before and stop; that having occasional cigarettes is as dangerous to your health as continuing smoking. I haven’t had a cigarette since that night nine years ago. For those who only ever have occasional cigarettes the same does NOT hold true but why put yourself at risk to become addicted.
The truth is I like smoking and if it weren’t bad for me I would still be smoking but since it is I’ll continue to forgo the pleasure.
Please show compassion and be supportive to people who are trying to quit because addiction is not created equal and just because you either never smoked or were able to quit easily doesn’t mean the next person has the same experience. Good luck Karen, you can do it and BTW Happy Birthday.
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Your blogs are very interesting ,quite deep, motivating and highly supportive in nature. It is true that its very hard to quit smoking; after continuous trials and numerous failures of quitting for more than a year I have finally quit the habit of smoking and its has been 79 days so far. I still do get very strong cravings but I try to control them and it gives me a feeling of success. I have not received any form of support from my family which is my mom, instead all I have got was criticisms and being seen as a hideous creature because I used to smoke. Once I addressed it to her and she was quite ignorant with her reply and just did not seem to care about it . My mother has a competing nature and she considers me as her competitor for everything since I was very small, I dont know why. She always points her finger at me for everything and I am currently and always has been considered as a mistake and makes a comparison always even with innovative ways such as some characters on the live BBC news. ( I consider myself as a very responsible person. I have graduated from university with a first class degree and pretty much done everything possible to be the most right person in the world. Still I am worthless and good for nothing in my mom’s view. Never received any form of motivation for anything in life from this lady so called my mom. ( I have never talked about this to anyone because my mom has an innocent reputation among our relatives and she would do anything to get a bit of sympathy and a good conduct certificate from others. Now that you are a stranger and it is online and you seems to have a lot of life experience and compassionate)
I have an important question which I have been searching an answer for ” Does family has any effect on who you become or achieving something in life? Is is possible for an individual to obtain success in life without any form of appreciation from people close to you again family/blood relationships. Is it true that a human being could feel like an orphan at times and be left alone even-though they have close family members alive. I don’t what kind of a family I am being born into. All they care about is money and my uncles and other members in our family doesn’t have no respect or concern for others.
Is there any possibility that I could develop a family of my own and develop my kids to behave like normal people have some compassion for fellow human beings. or is it some sort of habit which is being passed through genes. If that is the case there is no point in living. The reason for these questions is because neither I am depressed nor I have any sort of psychic problems. It is just that I am stuck and tired of fighting alone if I have to get something, it is my need not even the people who gave birth to you doesn’t say a good word or positive reply, or if I fail trying get a lot of suggestions that they would be better if they do it. I do have a very large family and relationships inside the family is set and determined based on the financial status . If you dont have as much as others you are not welcome. Same with grandparents treating their grandchildren- rich guys son=well perfect, poor guys son = he is a trouble maker and lot of other bad comments.
Would I be able to have a family of my own with some morals based on love and compassion for others or a devil only because I have lived in hell OR is it I am just thinking too much. I hope you read this and write some suggestions. If you do that would be blessing
Alwin,
I am not a therapist and therefore not qualified to provide you counselling. If you are asking for my opinion based on my own experiences, I definitely think you can build your own family.
It is clear that you are capable of achieving your goals. You completed your education, you’ve stopped smoking etc. We don’t choose our family and although we wish that the relationships could be rich and supportive, that is not always how it turns out.
I would recommend you see someone to work through your feelings in order to put them into perspective and move on. I know people who blame their parents all their lives, what a waste of time. Time is short, spend your energy on people who reciprocate and nurture you. Give people a chance, there are lots of nice people out there to meet and share your lives.
Make this your new goal to achieve peace with your past because you can’t change it and to move on. Best wishes to you for future happiness.