Accepting that I may have no friends after I finish this blog, I must in the spirit of fairness provide the other side of the story. Actually it was one of my readers (Curly Q) who convinced me to attempt to see the problems from the other side and expose how we got here. I must also confess I have received input from some Gen X and Y’s in order to make this as complete as I can.
Let’s start at the beginning and keep in mind that Baby Boomers cover a huge chunk of people, anyone born from 1945 to 1964. That’s twenty years. In some cases the Mother and child are both Baby Boomers but I can assure you someone born in 1945 does not think anything like someone born in 1963.
Regardless society has gone through tremendous changes and I will keep to those that have impacted the “child”. When I was growing up only poor people lived in apartments, we felt sorry for any kids whose Mother worked, and a man whose wife had to work was considered to be a failure.
Fast forward to today. Both parents work, the Mother probably makes more than the Father, the children are in daycare or if you are wealthy with a Nanny by age one year or in the US - three months. Being a stay at home Mother is not valued and takes a strong character to do this with the pressure to be a CEO before you’re 40. After your minimum 10 hour day you are definitely not equipped to discipline your child so you let things go just to get by. Plus you feel guilty for leaving them all day and you want your time together to be pleasant.
Seventy percent of the marriages will fail which will cause huge grief and upset for the children, never mind the ones who are still living in “broken homes”. Then there will be the competition between the ex’s to be the most popular parents and here it comes again, the GUILT. I think Mothers feel the guilt more than the Fathers in general; it seems to be a hard coded trait.
Were we better off being brought up by our Mothers at home? People had less but there was more time for family. Women on the hand were second class citizens. Husbands made the decisions because they made the money. Have we exchanged the equality of women at the expense of the well-being of our children? I know I will be crucified for saying this, but to a point I will have to say yes. I stayed home for 12 years and I don’t regret it. There is no question this hurt my career and affected my personal finances after the divorce but this was the price I had to pay.
My readers have also spoken of money being power and it is in any relationship. Baby Boomers are very good at manipulating their children of all ages with money. They give it but it has strings. Nothing is “free” in this world. Keep that in mind and if you choose to accept it, you choose to accept the strings so don’t whine about it. If you want to be independent, stop taking the money. Simple eh?
Bottom line - should we be surprised that our children don’t want to grow up to be like us. To have sacrificed so much for the all mighty buck and our suburban life styles. We spoiled them and we, encouraged them to feel entitled and made a fuss every time they did the smallest positive thing. No wonder they are ill equipped. They didn’t have to work for what they got. If you feed a dog filet mignon every day and then try and give him dog food, he won’t eat it. Eventually however when he gets hungry enough, he’ll eat it.
My children are all Gen X and Y - they are good, socially-conscious hard-working people and many of my children’s friends are also. Let’s hope these new leaders find a way to balance between what they need and what they want.
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Related posts:
- You Eat What You Kill – Baby Boomers vs. Generation X & Y
- Thank Goodness for Caregivers
- Breastfeeding – Experience of a Lifetime
- Equality – Does Not Mean The Same
- About Me
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
What a can of proverbial worms! But I’m always game, as you well know.
I hesitate to speak for my entire generation, in fact I’m not even sure what the heck I would call myself. Generation Y, Millennial, Next, these are all meaningless to me, a bi-racial-single-parent-raised immigrant of 25 years who grew up with one foot in the excesses of the late 80’s, and the “what now?” era of 90’s and 00’s, which are times characterized by more confusion and ambiguity than perhaps the Dark Ages.
I’m not sure what “we” stand for, or what values we share, but I can vouch for one often commonly-shared notion in my general age group; we witnessed the unraveling of family values, educational standards, traditional family units, absolute patriarchal power, and have come face-to-face with the lies and corruption of many members of what I call the “custodian class”, or as we most often call them: the rich and powerful.
We saw our forebears betrayed by banks and politicians, we felt the disillusionment of notions like “getting ahead”, and “reaching for the top”, and the true price of national prosperity (exploitation of underdeveloped masses). We became aware of the devastation of our environment at the hands of savage consumerism, the senseless slaughter of other species (and our own) for profit, the deterioration of our moral and physical bodies at the hands of greed and indifference.
Most alarmingly however, we discovered the cracks beneath the surface of so-called success The absurdity of working a lifetime tirelessly to fatten the pockets of faceless shareholders and power mongers while (as you eloquently put it) amassing tremendous guilt and despair at being away from our families 8-10 hours a day. This notion of giving your life to create a world that you will not be able to credibly live in (due to death or illness). I’m generalizing of course, but my points are still valid.
I could go on, but I desperately want to make a positive point about all of this. My parents, and certainly theirs, and possibly theirs again, put an incredible amount of hard work and self-sacrifice to build something for the generations to come. I certainly don’t believe it was for nothing. How else than in the midst of this comfort could I have had the luxury to study and re-evaluate society around me? My grandfather didn’t have time for introspection because he worked all the time and he was a top surgeon. Our forbearers have worked and bled to give us a better way. They have given my generation, and hopefully the ones to come, a chance to realize where this society has gone wrong, and perhaps with courage and fortune, actually do something lasting about it.
Jason, you were so reasonable on your last comment I was frankly a little disappointed but you certainly made up for it this time. I was waiting for you. I’m not sure you were ranting based on my post or just in general and that’s fine. You wanted to end on a positive note but it seemed like an afterthought. Thank you for sharing your internal conflict. I’m sure you will work it out ….. in time.
I have been hanging out on Brazen Careerist lately that I’ve been reading a lot about Generation Y. I still need to figure out what that is though. lol
I support in your prayer that may this generation be filled with really responsible young leaders and not just being too focused on personal needs or personal gratification
Very well written and points taken.
Back to basics seems to be our only way out in saving our future generations. I have always been skeptical of the technology advancements in the past 10 even 20 years. I still despise the dishwasher and its hidden reason for being.
I was raised in a family with 7 children and my parents were humble people who taught us the meaning of the word ‘SAVING’..
WE had but 1 washroom and we had to schedule our time if we ever wanted to use it.
I raised my 4 children in a similar fashion and to this day I have no regrets. I was probably one of the last parents to allow a computer into my home as to me it was a serious invasion of my teachings.
All in all…when the feminist movement took a strong hold and women fought for their right to be in the work field…there went a huge chunk of what stabilized a family on the home-ground.
Children now were being raised by strangers or the television…video games became a huge distraction for them…saving parents the guilt feelings of not being their sole entertainment… I will also step further to say the number of jobs also depleted for the male gender.
Keeping this topic short as it could be endless…I will close in saying that…the world is going through a very fragile stage…our children are the future. I can only hope that there are more parents out there that have tried to pass on the old school of rules so that some of hat use to be can be once again~
D, thank you for sharing your point of view. I myself am conflicted because I have enjoyed both the time I dedicated to my children and the fulfilment I’ve experienced by going back to school and having a career. Maybe we get back to that old “balance” idea. I don’t accept that a woman has to give up everything she has to be a Mother, on the other hand I think if you choose to have children, they should take priority after all they didn’t ask to be here. Plus so many women are out there trying to be super woman that they are exhausted.
Jonha, so what generation are you? thanks for stopping by and bring friends….even if they are generation Y
Unfortunatly, not all women are able to be stay-at-home mothers, even if they would like to be. Also, not all men want to be depended on as the family’s only source of income. I think we all have to learn to adapt to our different circumstances and try and find a new “balance”.
There is no one “right” way. My children may not have the advantages of a stay-at-home mother, but I will use the time I do have with them to teach them, discipline them and provide them with the tools they need to grow into responsible, well-rounded individuals.
Amy,
Excellent insight. Your goals are right on track, of course I’m biased because you’re the Mother of my two adorable grandchildren.
u have shared a real truth which many people really dont wanna accept.
there is another perspective to it, now when both parents work, i believe both of them try to give much more quality time to the kids, of course, somewhere there is a sacrifice. but fathers are now more receptive and understanding as compared to 25 years ago….
By d way, m 25 yrs old and hv not experienced fatherhood personally …lol
Raj, you have a lot of insight for someone so young. I would have thought you were older. I’m sure with your positive attitude you’ll be a fine father. Good luck.