When I was a young woman in the 70’s, Domtar would not even accept my application as an Order Desk clerk because I wasn’t a man. Only men could work on the order desk. I would have liked to sue them but I don’t think you could in those days. I do remember being shocked and outraged.
I went on to do Order Desk/Inside Sales at “Kingsley and Keith” a chemical distributor and despite my obvious handicap of being a female, I did very well. Women have come a long way since those days.
It’s important to keep in mind I am the mother of three sons and grandmother to one grandson. I am as vigilant to protect their rights as human beings as for my sisters. In fact I really find the commercials that make men look like stereotyped idiots insulting. You would never get away with that today if you tried to do that to a woman. Does anyone remember the commercials where women would be ashamed if their husbands had “ring around the collar”?
One could say that women have had the short end of the stick for a gazillion years so a few decades of payback are nothing to worry about, but I don’t agree. To behave disrespectfully of anyone is wrong. I truly believe in equality. What I don’t believe in is sameness. Boys and girls are different, that’s normal and wonderful.
Having been a Cub Scout leader, I don’t support making the Cubs and Beavers co-ed. I support boys spending some time with other boys doing the types of activities that they naturally enjoy. Young girls also can benefit by bonding with other girls and leaders, building trust and confidence.
My husband and I share the housework and the chores but we each do what we are either good at or don’t mind doing. My husband has yet to wash a bathroom or paint a room, that’s my department. He does the laundry, groceries and the vacuuming. We both cook, he pays the bills and I do all the investigating on cars, houses and appliances. He comes in for the final decision.
Equality is respect. Respect for individual choices not based on a pre-conceived notion or feeling of superiority. On occasion I still meet a man who does not consider me to be his equal however, because this is a belief there is absolutely no way you will change it. I just ignore him and move on. If you ever want to make someone absolutely crazy, ignore them. Works like a charm.
If we could change our attitudes that we’ve burdened our children with; boys shouldn’t cry and girls should look like the models on the magazine covers this would go a long way to having more relaxed children pursuing healthy activities instead of throwing up their food to remain thin or taking drugs to dull the pain of their insecurities. It disturbs me how many of our children are taking prescription drugs to control their behavior.
If we can support our children to meet their potential by providing lots of opportunities to learn and the encouragement to follow their dreams regardless whether your daughter wants to be a welder and your son wants to be a nurse. My father wanted my sister and me to be plumbers. He figured we would always have work.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I also believe in equality and the differences between boy and girl. But the differences don’t give us the right to make any choice based on a pre-conceived notion and especially a feeling of superiority.
Very sensitive and thought provoking post. Things are changing, slowly, but there are still a lot of areas where gender expectations are rife. I do know a couple of female plumbers who always have work.
I wonder if we should be talking “equality” or “equal-opportunity”. Do we really believe that women and men are the same? On what scale? Using what parameters? What insecurities are really at play? Sounds about as ambiguous as those famed IQ tests that everyone enjoys feeding their egos with.
Equal rights and opportunities is where the battle must be fought, and always there are casualties; namely, common sense and civility. As usual, mediators and diplomats will want to keep the conversation going, while the extremists circle the wagons and hijack the conversation with sensational and knee-jerk tactics (bring on the -isms and activists!).
There is another component as well, the media, who serve whatever ideology that will contribute to increased sales, be it stereotyping of middle-aged males (who are either balding idiots that fight for dvds at Best Buy, or suave JFK-types that make women swoon with diamonds), or the sexualization of children (as seen in American Apparel advertisements). Whatever sells, no matter how degrading to the soul, culture and to the intellect. In a way, the media has ruined any hope of ever truly getting to the bottom of equality and respect between the sexes, as it has eroded the focus on any meaningful debate on race or sexual orientation.
It’s all just one big dog-and-pony show as far as I can tell…
Jason, I see I hit a sore spot…. It’s still better than it was considering what things were like in the past. Do you know where the “rule of thumb” comes from. Men in England were not allowed to hit their wives and children with a stick with a diameter larger than the their thumb. Something Myles will never have to worry about.
Jakill, thanks for writing in. You’re right, this will not be resolved in my lifetime. Other third world countries are shockingly abusive of women including removing parts of their genitals. Do you know where the word “hysterectomy” came from? Hysteria. When women would be considered troublesome they would do a hysterectomy to calm them down.
BK, well said! Thank you for contributing. I appreciate all of your input.
May I just add that God made man and woman equal in the sense that both are created in His image. Doing different roles doesn’t mean that they are no longer equal. That’s why between husband and wife, though both fulfill different roles in the family, they are equal in importance. Does that mean that men cannot do what women do and vice versa? Well, yes and no. Yes, on some things that is not possible or should not be like giving birth. No, as in your example that your husband does the laundry. But this generation sure has changed a lot.
Excellent post. I was once criticized for referencing my wife cleaning a being sexist, I probably used a “not my job” expression. My job is cooking and most of grocery shopping. We both work, and split the household chores.
We encouraged our daughter to do whatever interests her. Dance and basketball are at the top right now.
I think that as time goes on, the oddity (in terms of numbers) of the Woman doctor or Man nurse will fade, but some decisions/interests will maintain a skew away from 50/50. I recently engaged in a discussion on woman engineers. Remarking that in my graduating class 25 years ago, it was about 15% women, I was told there’s been progress, near 20% now. I think so long as we offer the same choices, that’s as good as it will get.
Something to consider - please read this carefully - years ago, I read a study that suggested that the distribution of intelligence (the bell curve) for men and woman did not have the same standard deviation. The women’s curve had a lower STD. The median for both was 100, of course, men are no smarter than women. But, in a large enough population, the top and bottom of the range had more men, i.e. there were more morons and more geniuses. This accounts for some aspect of the much higher men’s prison population at the low end, and higher admission rate of men to exclusive universities.
I didn’t find confirming evidence of this anywhere else, just that one paper, therefore I am not offering it as my own belief. If true, though, it does explain certain statistical anomalies.
I can only account for my own behavior, and trying to tune in to what my daughter is saying about the messages she gets from classmates, school, the media. At 7, I had her change a light dimmer. I pointed, and told her what to do, from circuit breaker to opening the plate, etc. When she flipped the breaker on and we came up to a lit room, I told her she just did what most adults are afraid to do. Gender wasn’t even an issue. Boy or Girl, I’d want my child to be self-sufficient.
Joe
Joe, thank you for writing. Honestly this is one of the best comments in my year of blogging. Your daughter is extremely lucky to have you as her Dad. She’ll never have to worry about being held back. Here in Montreal with a predominantly French population the percentage of women in both Engineering and Medecine classes is well over 50%. You’re so right, it was and sometimes is still prevalent to refer to a “woman” doctor or a “male” nurse, we never say “man” doctor, it would sound ridiculous. The key is exactly what you said, that if a girl wants to grow up to be a welder, great!, if she wants to be a nurse, equally great and the same for our boys. Equal opportunity and acceptance of their choices. Have a great year and please come back soon.