I‘ll just say it, my husband is 8 ½ years younger than me. I would like to be able to say that it doesn’t bother me at all, but then I would be lying. I never dated younger men in my youth.
As you know by now, I was married at 18 to someone who was 7 years older and stayed that way for almost 20 years. When I was separated I did the rounds of post marriage dating but never dated anyone younger. Frankly, because I was always the younger one in the relationship, it never occurred to me.
Marc and I met at work when we were both assigned to a special project. I thought he was wet behind the ears and told him so. I was wrong; he did a great job and continues to remind me of it 15 years later.
He had “eyes” on me much earlier than I realized. Apparently my friends were aware because they told me later but because I had never considered dating someone younger, he just wasn’t on my radar. I even fixed him up with one of my best friends. Sure glad that didn’t work out!
The defining moment was when he was sitting in my cubicle at work and I said. “Don’t you think I’ve considered dating you? What would you tell your Mother, that you’re dating a 40 year old with three teenage sons?” He said “I don’t explain things to my Mother” Excellent answer! I must say.
Anyway we started dating but I kept telling him it’s not going to last and somewhere along the way I figured out that it could. I was worried that although he said he didn’t want children, that maybe one day her would regret that decision and change his mind. He is so young looking especially without his beard, I was and still am worried about being mistaken for his Mother which happened once when we were both sick at the clinic. Not a moment I care to relive but for the sake of honesty and I am always honest with my readers, there it is. It happened and I guess it could happen again. Let’s all pray that it doesn’t.
The first time I met his high school buddies who are his best friends still today, it was downright weird because at the time some of them were still in their late twenties and I was 40. The only thing we had in common was Marc.
Good news though. He is getting some white in his hair and his beard and hopefully soon he’ll look like Papa Smurf and we’ll look the same age. How shallow of me, eh? But I’m looking forward to that.
I look pretty good for 54, my Mother’s nice skin and years of NOT sunbathing have served me well however no one will mistake me for 30, maybe 45. The funny thing is I am much more energetic than my husband; he has to try and keep up with me. Marc became a Grandfather at 41 without ever becoming a Father.
We hear all about these “cougars”. I honestly find it a little disturbing as these mid aged women are hunting down younger men. It’s a little too predatory for my taste but if they are happy and the boys are enjoying it, I guess they are all adults as long as everyone understands the rules.
I’m delighted with my marriage and regardless of his age I am blessed. The age thing does make you look into the mirror more often and ensure you do your best to look good. I’ve had people say I’m “lucky” to have a younger husband. I think I’m lucky to be married to Marc because of who he is, if I had my choice he would not be younger. No one would bat an eyelash for a man being 8 years older, equality on that is still far away mostly due to our or in this case my own insecurity.
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Well first, you do look fantastic. I’ve only a few times dated men who were younger. At the time I was much younger than I am now, 53, so I didn’t mind the age difference. I see many younger men of which I am attracted to, one in particular who is 35
yet even though we flirt I know there will never be anything there because of the age difference.
I think age is basically how you feel about yourself. There are days I feel 30 and other days I feel 70. The bottom line is everyone is different. I do understand your insecurity and I’m sure you are not alone in that.
What does bother me is the fact that when men are with women half their age it’s okay. Yet women with younger men society sees differently. Though, thanks to our celebrities, that is changing.
The two 0f you make a wonderful and good looking couple so that is all that matters.
An interesting blog. Having said that I would like to add my two cents.
As you know we are both in similar situations - my girlfriend of 5 years is 9 years older than me. In my opinion society has it backwards.
Visit an old folks home and you will immediatly notice that 99% of its occupants are female. All of these poor women followed the status quo and married men older than them and look what happened - they ended up alone.
Men statistically die younger than women. In Canada life expectancy rates are as follows: Men 75 and women 81 - a 6 yr difference. Does it then not make more sense for women to marry younger men in order to ensure that the time between when one of you passes on is shorter? As I a man I am certainly not happy about the prospect of the women I love having to spend many years alone.
Biologicaly men’s peak is supposed to be from 18-25 and women’s from 30-35. Does this not say something? Evolutionary biology actually made us this way and yet for some reason we deviate from its rules.
So, here’s to younger men with older women!
:o) My husband is 5 years younger than me. I do notice occassionally as I wonder if he’ll ever grow up but we seem to have worked for 11 years.
Thank you Joanne, you made my day.
i am 8 years older than my husband too. the only thing he shows his age difference is when it comes to domestic things and responability…however i think this may well be just a ‘man’ thing
Kay, I think that you are a remarkable woman and any man who would love you and consider himself loved by you is a very lucky one indeed ~ Regardless of age!
Truly, life and love are hard enough at any time without having to take into account if it is “socially acceptable” to be with a younger man. The people who stick by you no matter what your choice is in your partner, are the ones who matter… the rest aren’t worth stress, trouble or strife.
In any case, I applaude your sense of courage, your love of life and wish nothing but the best to you both for many long years of happiness together.
Hi Kay,
“Remember: When you grant permission to your authentic voice to sing as loud, as silly, as creative and as original as it wants, people will listen.”
Thought I would share with you one of the blogs I frequent (in addition to yours …). I was reading through his new book Live Your Name (online, free!) and came across this quote on page 12. It immediately made me think of you and your mission …
This guys a bit crazy - been wearing a nametage for 3,213 days (as of today!) and living his life around it. Quite brilliant. You can track him down at: hellomynameisscott.com (yes, really).
Have a fabulous week!
K.
OK …. and maybe a link would have helped …(?!)
http://www.hellomynameisscott.com/LIVE.YOUR.NAME.SCOTT.GINSBERG.pdf
K.
Don’t be bother about the “cougar” thing. It doesn’t really matter as long as you love each other.
You two look good together. I wish you both happiness. God Bless!
Kelly, I absolutely love that quote. I will save it for sure. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes I surprise myself on how honest I am with my readers but after I write it down, I feel better. See you Monday.
Katie, you are a delightful human being. Your face is so open and honest. It’s wonderful to see. I wish you a marvelous wedding and a lifetime of happiness.
Ian, thank you for the post. You’re absolutely right! I know you appreciate your girlfriend and everything she brings to the relationship. All the best.
Congratulations for your new marriage.
I’m happy for you that you have found a right person in your life.
Love is blind
Congrats for your marriage
Hi, first of all, this is a nice post!
Well, does age matter? I think, NO, what i think matter in a relationship is the compatibility factor. You should be compatible in every aspect of life, especially the “X” factor, for it bonds.
Cheers and Good Luck to both of you..
Age doesn’t matter as long as you love each other. Good luck and a hundred years of blissful togetherness. May your union be blessed with enough love, joy, peace and security.
My second marriage he was 13 years younger then me, and of course it did not last but that was because he was abusive.
I would not let it ever bother me if I were you, Marc loves you and you love him and that is all that matters. He fell in love with you, not your age! I think this is such a wonderful post.
ekusinero, thank you for the comment and for stopping by. I visited your blog and it is excellent, congratulations. Please be a regular visitor.
mymy, thank you for the kind wishes. We can all use some positive energy, I am sending it back to you.
Great love story you have here. Love look not at the age but the compatibility of 2 person. What important is that you have to do your part as a wife in all aspect of life. Have a good life then.
BTW, I Love this story of yours. I hope you can allow me to repost it in my site. Please do give me a message then. thanks!
LIFE Moto, I would be honored for you to repost it in your site.
Thank you for the feedback. Trust me I am trying to be the best wife.
Although I am younger than you (32) I know what it is to be with someone younger as my boyfriend is 25. I remember when I first met his parents how scared I was and even more when I met his friends. Even now, when we go visit his friends, I’m still a little afraid they might find me “old” although Beloved and I have been together for almost 2 years. Your story makes me feel good. It’s rare that we see women dating/being married to younger men…
OMG I remember the first time I met Marc’s parents. On the one hand I told myself I didn’t care, on the other hand I wanted them to be impressed. Because I had teenagers, my youngest when I left to meet them said “give me a hug in case they kill you”. Turns out they do like me and we have a great relationship but at 40 I felt like a teenager again. Thanks for reminding me of one of the funniest times in my life.
Hi, just happened upon your web site, and found it very interesting, I am also married to a man younger then myself, by 8 years. We get along great, never a problem, nor do we argue or fight about anything. We agree to disagree when it happens to come up. He is awesome, I love him with all my heart. I have had trouble in the past with our age difference but today, I no longer see it as an issue. We have been married for 18 years, I am 53 he is 45. We get along great, my teenage children have grown and moved out and as he never wanted children of his own, we were ready for the empty nest, but that was not to be. We are raising our granddaughter who just turned 11 years old. We have had her pretty much since day 1. He makes an awesome dad, and a wonderful husband. I thank God everyday that He gave me this gift. God bless you and your husband, you two were meant to be together. Perfect harmony.
Kathy, our stories are almost identical except that we are not raising our granddaughter. We’re both very lucky, that’s for sure. Hope you will keep reading.