Every week I think about what I want to write on Sunday mornings which is when I write my post for the week. This morning as I straightened the picture of my Sister on the wall, I decided it was the right time to write about being an orphan.
When I tell people I’m an orphan I get all sorts of reactions. Some people think of orphans as children only, my husband’s Aunt gets mad at me if I mention I’m an orphan because this hurts her to think that I am and others just look confused.
Let me share with you what being an orphan is all about for me and I encourage you to share your experience. When I lost my Mum at 15, I became an orphan. I did not know that losing one parents qualifies you as an orphan but I looked it up in the dictionary and alas yes. I think I lost a bet on this one and if you knew me, I hardly ever lose a bet in fact no one bets with me anymore. Then I lost my one sibling, my Sister when I was 37 and my Dad eight years ago. Most people cannot fathom losing their entire family but I know there are people reading this who have.
Being an orphan is weird. It’s the disconnection to the past that is difficult. I remember when I was pregnant with my youngest and the other two had chicken pox, my Doctor wanted to know if I’d had them and I had no idea. My Mum was gone so I couldn’t provide that information. When I got promoted at work and my first thought was to tell my Dad, I couldn’t and I remember driving along the road with tears pouring down my face. There is no one to reminisce with about Christmas’s past and silly things that happened. I really miss that.
There are a number of strange things about being alone here on earth without any of my original family. I adapted and I am just fine, in fact I’m thriving. I have built my own family and my family of friends which I am super blessed to have so please don’t think I’m complaining because I’m not at all. I do miss them terribly and one of the comforts of when I do die, is I know I will be with them. I’m not religious per se but I do believe in God and the afterlife and have proof that we still exist in spirit form. This is the subject for another post….
Thank goodness we humans are adaptable because most of the time I don’t think about being an orphan but every once in a while the longing hits you like a ton of bricks and I feel overwhelmed with grief, I have a good cry and then I’m fine again. I do this in private because I cry very badly, not like on TV. I get a red face, my makeup runs and it’s really not attractive.
There is even the occasional advantage to being an orphan. At my age I have several friends taking care of aging parents and this can be very very difficult. One such friend’s life is totally consumed with dealing with his Father and Mother at the same time. He has had to cancel dinner three times with me and we joke and that I’ll see him after they die. So you see, I don’t have to worry about this.
I do have my memories and I share them with my husband, my kids and my closest friends whom I trust with my soft squishy center. I recently had a dinner party for some of my girl friends and I toasted them with “friends are family you get to choose”. My family and friends fill the hole……almost.
P.S. please tell the people you love that you love them all the time, try hard to forgive and don’t waste time arguing over things you’ll regret when they’re gone.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a really touching post.
It made me think about my family, and the fact that I don’t have them close to me and how I take for granted that they will be there for me.
Thank you for this post. It helped me value my family even more.
p.s. I’m going to call my grandma right away.
Thank you Adriana. I’m so glad you got it! You’re very deep for your age, probably an old soul. You are a delight!
I feel a little guilty, I have my parents but they were…well let’s say not very good at their job. I phone the UK each week and organise their care from afar. After counselling this is all I can do. It is hard for abused children to read the pain of others, who are orphaned, I feel for you.
I really enjoyed this post. It really gets a person thinking. There are many things that I take for granted when it comes to my family. I still have my mom, but I often let little things get in the way of our relationship. Petty things that really don’t matter when you look at the big picture. And I am very fortunate, having 5 siblings. And although I am not close to all of them, I’m sure that with some tweaking I could be. But I have to say, I really do miss my dad. I never realized how much I seeked his approval. There have been several occaisions since he died, that for a fleeting moment I thought of calling him up and sharing some news. Things that would have made him proud. And then,of course, I feel angry and sad because I can’t. And then I have a good cry (in private also, because I too, turn into a hideous beast when I cry)
I think you have a wonderful attitude on life, Kay, and it it is very inspiring to be around you. You can find something positive in the crappiest of situations. And if there is no positive to be found, then you find a way to grow.
Glynis Smy, the fact that you are willing to arrange for their care means you are probably a better person than they are or were to you.
That’s a tribute to your character. We don’t get to choose our parents or our children for that matter, just whether to have them or not.
I was blessed to have been loved deeply by both my parents and my childhood until 10 years of age was idyllic. I shall just be grateful for that.
Amy, I love that last line. It pretty much sums up my philosophy. Growth is very important to me as a person but it is often at the price of enduring some sadness or adversity. You will always miss your Dad but you were there for him when he needed you and that is very important.
Hi I hope you don’t mind me writing. I have been searching the internet as I have an essay of my own choice to write, and have come across your post. I have a best friend who has lost both of her parents and feel like I want to know more about what she has been through, so have chosen childhood disadvantages with being an orphan as one of the headings. I was very touched by your post, and am wondering if it is possible to use some of the information you have put as quotes?? I completely understand if you would prefer me not to, and would respect your desition entirely. If you do grant me permission, I would be more than happy to send you a copy of the section I have wrote.
I am happy to see you can see a light at the end of an “orphan” tunnel, as it gives me hope for my friend who is still dealing with issues.
Sharon x
Sharon, you are most welcome to use anything you find here that could be useful to you. My blog is simply to put my ideas and stories in a format that people can read should they choose to. Please do send me your essay, I would be glad to read it. Good luck.
Hi Kay,
I lost my parents at different times when I was a child. I lost my Mum when I was 15 and my Dad when I was 4. I agree entirely with what you wrote about being an orphan. My friends and family never referred to me as an orphan, simply because I never went to an orphanage. Now I look back and think “Gosh not only was I an orphan but I am still an orphan, an adult orphan.” I would like to write more, but don’t wish to share in a public forum. Thank you kindly for your blog.
Sue, I’m glad you found the blog to be helpful. You can only know the feeling if you have experienced it like ourselves. Actually some people laugh when I tell them I’m an orphan. If you like, you can send me an e-mail at thekayway@gmail.com.