Has anyone ever said this to you? Especially during a time of personal crisis, I’ve observed that those who really don’t want to get involved in your situation or your pain like to say this handy little phrase. It makes them feel that they have offered and if you choose not to take them up on their kind offer, well they can’t be responsible for that now can they! They’re off the hook and can go back to their daily lives knowing they’ve done their “best” to help.
Having been in crisis from time to time in my life, I can assure you that people who are overwhelmed are not in a position to organize their volunteers. If you really want to help, bring some muffins or a casserole. Pick up their kids from school, go with them to an appointment, DO SOMETHING! People appreciate what you do, rather than what you say. Talk is cheap. What a person does is a true reflection of their feelings and where they invest their time and energy. There are talkers and there are doers, which one are you? And if you really don’t want to do something, that’s okay but please shut up and don’t pretend that you do.
You’re not fooling anyone. Just accept you’re a shit. Thank you.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Related posts:
- I don’t watch/listen to the news
- Don’t be an Asshole - Get a Colonoscopy
- Breastfeeding – Experience of a Lifetime
- Learn How to Apologize – Your Relationships Will Improve
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, Mrs Kay. That’s a bull’s eye post you have here. Wondering what kind of experience drive you to write it. Best regards.
I had never seen it in that light. However, I think you’re right - to a point! Sometimes people don’t know how to help. They are like little puppies getting underfoot in their efforts to be helpful. Sometimes we just need a clue as to what is needed.
I have found that the best way to measure the true will behind any offer is to simply take the person up on it as soon as possible.
Someone says, ” Let me know if you ever need help with weeding your garden”, then simply jump on that offer right away, regardless of whether your garden needs weeding. If you caught yourself a genuine person that wants to help you, invite them on that day and make them lunch instead. If you’ve caught the wrong sort, they might still go through with it out of shame, but will most likely be “unfortunately busy” that weekend or make some other excuse. Either way, you will have sent the message.
It’s worked wonders for me.
Jason, I’ve missed you. You’re such a rascal. It’s a great plan, I guess I am too lazy to both with those I know are not genuine. I’m pretty good at weeding them out without having to spring for lunch, but I would definitely buy you lunch. Take care
Dion W, yes it was a little bit edgy I’ll give you that. Okay, I learned this while I was caring for my 37 year old sister who had an extremely aggressive cancer who subsequently died after suffering for 3 years 3 months and 4 days. Being phoney is a pet peeve of mine. Another annoying expression I heard a lot. “Everything will be alright” Sometimes things don’t turn out alright. BTW do I know you?
Jan, you are obviously a kind hearted person looking for the best in everyone. That’s a great way to be. Congratulations. I am also a fan of the human however, with a few exceptions. Thank you for your feedback.
I partially agree with you. During a crisis and I’ve been through many, some do not know how to help and use that phrase as simply a question as how can I help. You are correct however that many people are not sincere when using that phrase. It just depends on the person.
Joanne, you’re right some people are not equipped to deal with it. My dear friend said my post was “scathing” but it’s how I feel. At this time in my life I’m only interested in maintaining relationships that are real. I am able to let go of those that are not authentic. Thanks for your feedback.
I’ll have to disagree on this one. I don’t usually try to help unless I’m convinced my help is wanted; I don’t want to force my help on someone, to intrude on their situation or to hijack it, to make it somehow about me. But when I say, “Is there anything I can do…”, I am 100% sincere. Usually I have to add, “No, seriously. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. Anything.” Otherwise, they won’t take me seriously. But it was actually a lesson from Deedee that set my philosophy in these matters. She taught me never to make offers insincerely, but on the other hand, never be afraid to accept someone else’s offer, even if you suspect they aren’t in earnest. Anyways, if they don’t mean it, that’ll teach ‘em!
Thank you for reading my post son. I can attest that you are 100% sincere. My lessons were also through Dee Dee’s illness. Interesting that we learned different things.
Kay, you hit it right on. I agree, sometimes its better to say nothing.