Mother’s Day: My Reflections on Motherhood

I’m warning you right now that this blog will be a jumble of my thoughts.

I slept poorly last night thinking of all the aspects of Motherhood I wanted to share with you.  Being a Mother is complicated and you don’t have to give birth to be maternal, you don’t even have to have children.   My view of Motherhood is to nurture, to protect, to sacrifice and to love at all costs even when the object of your love is not lovable.  I am referring to teenagers there in case you missed that.

| My Mummy Sarah holding me as a baby and my Sister Jean (aka: Dee-Dee)

As you know the only real ambition I had was to become a Mother, everything else just came along as part of my life’s journey.  I was fortunate to be able to conceive easily and all of three babies were planned.   This made it easier for us however, I see couples who have had wonderful surprises that have turned out to be incredible gifts.

For those of you who have not had children yet, you will love each child differently.  Not more, just differently.  You have your own personality and they each have theirs.  How you interact with each will be different, some more challenging.  This is normal.  Don’t beat yourself up about it, find a way to communicate.  You’re the adult, the parent.  It’s your job to find a way.

I find myself thinking about my Mummy.  Because she died when I was fifteen, I haven’t seen her in 38 years.  How can that be?  I can’t feel her arms around me. I can’t feel her kisses and I can see a picture but I find it hard to conjure up a vision in my head.  That makes me so sad.  I was blessed to have an idyllic childhood until I was around 10 and I know this solid foundation has helped me weather the storms of my life.  I miss my Mummy.  The only consolation one day when I leave this earth; is that I know I will see my Mummy, my Daddy and my Sister Dee Dee.  Today it is hard to be an orphan.  I want my family back.  You never stop wanting your family back.  When you’re Mother dies; you lose the one person who would die for you.  For some this is your Father or another relative or even a friend.

| My Mummy Sarah

Isn’t it interesting that my thoughts of Mother’s Day are ones of loss this year.   A friend of mine lost his Mother this year.  He was a terrific son and she had Alzheimer’s.  Her care was a tremendous burden to him but the commitment and love he had for her was truly awesome.  As I fell asleep last night he came into my thoughts and so did she.  When I went to her funeral, because I had never met her, I was shocked by what a beautiful and amazing woman she was; what an interesting and diverse life she had led.  He never ever let the disease touch his love and respect for his Mother.   She was blessed to have him as her son.

Last year I boycotted Mother’s Day.  I did not feel like celebrating because I was unhappy with my relationships with my grown children for different reasons I’m sure they would prefer I not discuss, however I did something about it.  I sought help, I made some changes and one year later our relationships are the best by far they have ever been because I finally let go!  Letting go is not my strong point.  I needed to let go.

If you still have your Mother, don’t waste precious time complaining about what she did to you or what she didn’t do for you.  Find a way to connect before it’s too late for your own sake if not for hers.  Make peace with the past and move on.  A psychologist told me that most Mother’s do the best they can.  Every circumstance is different and I don’t want to generalize.  Some people reading this blog did not have a good Mother but coming to terms with a poor relationship and moving on is probably even more important for you.  Do it for yourself.

Today two of my children will come to celebrate their their Mum, the other is away on a trip to Nova Scotia.  Today I feel like celebrating.  When the weather is better, they will help me with a day of servitude in my garden because I don’t need any more stuff.  We are going to eat Szechuan and play Texas Hold’em, I’m going to kick their asses and take their money.  That’s the kind of Mamma I am too!

Happy Mother’s Day Everyone!

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Related posts:

1. Reflections
2. Your Mother is Always with You.
3. Counseling – Could You Use Some Help?
4. Thank Goodness for Caregivers
5. Gratitude

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Tagged as: day, Loss, Mothers