I started learning about intentions as part of a course I took to provide performance feedback in an effective manner. We were videotaped giving the feedback and then critiqued for delivery and body language.
What I learned was to ask myself what my true intentions are when I am about to deliver either positive or constructive feedback both in my personal and professional life. You have the opportunity to add to or contaminate a relationship every time you open your mouth. Also, once it has been said, it cannot be taken back. You may be forgiven but it won’t be forgotten.
So next time before you give in to the urge to rip someone a new one, ask yourself why you need or want to do it. What will be the outcome and what are you trying to accomplish. Don’t tell me you don’t have reasons, good or bad for doing what you’re doing. You may choose not to question your motives, but motives you do have. You may be in denial and it is always easier to blame others. Once you discover what your intentions are, you are now in control and much more likely to achieve a positive outcome. In any transaction we have our part to play. The only person you control is you.
The reason I share this with you is because it really helped me to be real with myself which is the most important person you need to be real with. Sometimes I wasn’t particularly proud of my desire to hurt someone’s feelings because they hurt me or someone I care about. (Remember Rambo Mom?). Because I do consider myself to be a decent person overall, I always felt badly if I had bad thoughts. I watched a documentary on brain function and thought processes. I discovered it is perfectly normal and even healthy to have bad and even crazy thoughts. Nice people do have bad thoughts.
You don’t have to act upon them, it’s a choice. Your choice, but if you choose to action upon them, take responsibility for the outcome.
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As a teacher I am very observant with people. I have learned the art of listening and not talking when I really don’t need to. Praises and kind words are important if they are genuine but if you do not have anything good to say it is better not to say anything.
Thanks for sharing this. It is really worth reading.
Interesting observation. I guess cliques become so because there is a certain truth behind them. My Mother was a fan of the expression, “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing” and although this blog is dedicated to being authentic in your dealings with yourself and others, we have to live with others and we all have our own ways of seeing things. Silence is another powerful tool. People feel uncomfortable with silence and start talking to fill the void. You’ll know how comfortable you are with someone when you can just sit quietly with them without the need to speak. My Sister was a gifted Special Education teacher and I have the utmost respect for teachers.
On the praise and kind words, it amazes me how simple words of encouragement and gratitude and a smile can help us all get through hard times or spur us on to improve ourselves. Thanks for stopping by, hope you will come back often and bring friends.
Very interesting. Found your site on twitter by mistake while looking for my niece with the same name. Now I will be a follower and have forwared it on to my sisster
Thank you so much BobbieDeanK. Please do tell all your friends and family. Would love to hear from them.